Caregiver Guilt

Well, first I must apologize for my short absence.  It has been a stressful couple of weeks.  Anyhow, I am having to confront a common caregiver problem in my own life and that is the issue of caregiver guilt.  Those of you that are caregivers will know exactly what I mean and need little explanation.  However, for the sake of disclosure, I will do my best to describe it.  Caregiver guilt is that feeling caregivers get in which they begin to isolate and/or no longer participate in things they once enjoyed because their loved one can either not participate or because the ordeal involved in having their loved one participate is so difficult.  I will use an example from my own life.

I have never been someone that enjoys aerobics or, well, most forms of exercise.  I like to walk, but with my son's difficulties with walking long distances and suffering from chronic pain, I felt guilty to leave him at home and I felt guilty to bring him along.  So I just stopped exercising.  That is not a good plan for a person like myself who has gained a lot of weight in the typical stress zones, what they call "apple fat."  I didn't even realize how horribly out of shape I had become until my son got his wheelchair (almost 2 weeks ago). Now he is pushing me to walk everyday and I am sucking some air my friends.  I am having to confront what I have done to myself by giving in to unhealthy guilt.

It isn't wrong for you, as a caregiver, to take some time to yourself and do something that is important to you, or perhaps just something you enjoy and can unwind doing.  What I have realized from my personal life is that my son wanted me to do things to be healthier and it made him feel badly because he felt like it was his fault if I was unhealthy.  Of course I never meant to send such a message, but your loved ones carry their own emotional burden when they are so reliant on you.  If they feel you are unhappy from the stress of taking care of them, they blame themselves.  So keep that in perspective when you have that unwarranted guilt pop its ugly head up and make you feel you can't or shouldn't do something you really should do.

Adaptive Equipment

This is an important topic for caregivers and patients.  I was reminded today of the importance of it in my own personal life.  My son has a debilitating neurological tumor that is taking up about one third of his body.  It causes him fatigue, bone problems, and chronic pain.  Without realizing it fully, over the years I have given up a lot of activities I would have done before because he could not do it with us.  I stopped going on hike and bike trails, because if I did he could not keep up and would tire and hurt.  I do most of my holiday shopping online because taking him to the store, where there may be a shortage of motorized carts, would cause him to tire and be in pain before I was finished shopping.  I have had to watch his friends ride their bicycles in circles around him while he tried to keep up because he cannot ride a bike due to the tumor in his leg.  We became accustomed to sitting things out together and just hanging out and watching movies.  That all changed today.

Today, my teenaged son got a beautiful, red sports wheelchair from +Allumed Medical Supply.  He can now get involved in wheelchair sports or get on the court with his friends in P.E.  For the first time, I went on a 2 mile walk with my son...and he kept getting ahead of me!  This weekend I want to go down to the walkway along the river together, maybe have a picnic afterwards.  It is wonderful!

I tell you our story because I want to emphasize that adaptive equipment for your loved one can be the difference between independence and dependence.  It can be the ability to have your loved one do more for themselves, and you have less stress on your shoulders.  The best resource I have found for these aides is +Allegro Medical.  They have the lowest prices I have found and exceptional service, which shipment to your front door.  Utilize walkers, canes, gait belts, wheelchairs, grabbers, adaptive eating devices, showering and bathing aids, dressing aids, the list goes on!  Anything that promotes freedom and safety!  Most of all, nobody...especially your loved one, should ever feel guilty or "less than" for utilizing the equipment they need.

Long Term Care Insurance

I want to address an important topic.  For those of you that are caregivers for a family member, you have seen all of the ins and outs needed for long term care.  It is so important, if you are financially able, to carry long term care insurance.  There are many companies beginning to carry this insurance, for instance +Mutual of Omaha.  LTC insurance can kick in and cover expenses in the event that you become incapacitated or require care longer than a few months (generally set at longer than 12 weeks).  If you purchase LTC insurance, make sure it covers "non-medical" and "personal care" services, so that you can have the full care that you may need, and you may be able to stay in your home much longer, or retain ownership of your home while in long term rehabilitation. 

Scalp and Foot Massage

A simple activity that can be done to reduce stress for both patient and caregiver is to utilize scalp and/or foot massage.  You will often find among those that are recovering from stroke, in particular, that scalp massage can be extremely beneficial in reducing blood pressure, headaches, agitation, and tension.  For whatever reason, stroke victims will often have "knots" in their head where the muscles on the outside of the scalp are actually so tightened they ball up in a manner most of us are only familiar with in our neck or in other stress points, such as lower back.  Scalp massage can also help with dementia when patients are "sun downing" as a relaxing redirection when they become distressed (assuming they will allow you to touch them at that time).  Foot massage can be helpful in getting cooperation with foot care, improving circulation in the feet, and also in being able to apply lotion to prevent skin damage to the feet. +Dollar Tree and +Bath and Body Works have some very relaxing lotions and bath oils, and there is also a great line of products from +Aveeno Cetaphil for those with sensitive skin. Both types of massage do not take any particular talent or skill to do, just willingness, and both can have very helpful results.

Self Care for the Caregiver

I know I have discussed this topic a lot, but it is imperative that you caregivers out there pay attention.  Whatever that thing is that relaxes you and helps you to unwind, I strongly encourage you to do it.  As a single mom of 2 disabled kids, a professional caregiver, a full time student, budding blogger, and now getting my feet wet in marketing as well, finding time to take care of myself sometimes seems like a hysterically laughable idea.  However, I have found that when I am in my car alone, driving hither and yon, if I crank my tunes up, roll down my windows, and bust a move, I arrive feeling a lot more relaxed and also able to tolerate the many demands on my time and attention.  Sure, the rest of you may be annoyed with me when you are sitting next to me in traffic or if I am rolling through your neighborhood, but just keep in mind this obnoxious behavior is essential to my sanity.  :)  One of the coping mechanisms I DO NOT recommend has been my other tendency, which is to stress eat.  Maybe now that a few of you are reading this, you can post some of your own suggestions.