Activities for the Elderly with Illness

It is important to encourage your loved one to participate in some form of activities to help combat depression and agitation from chronic illness and/or declining health.  Many people think that the activities have to complicated and scheduled, but that is simply not the case.  If you have a loved one that can no longer sew or do handwork that they once loved, you can have them "help" you roll up a ball of yarn from a tangled mess.  If your loved one once loved to paint, but cannot do it anymore, try a simple paint by number or coloring mandalas.  Mandalas are used therapeutically in many circumstances and are excellent for dementia patients.  There are books sold, but there are also a lot of free mandala coloring pages online.  Cards are great tools to get interaction.  Even if they cannot play a card game, you can have them "sort" the deck by sets, numbers, etc.  Many patients enjoy just having you sit next to them and play cards, asking arbitrary questions that they can choose to answer or not, such as, "I wonder if I should put this queen on that king?" or "What number goes after 3?"  This helps keep them interactive and if they engage, it can help them with neurological sequencing, number and shape recognition, etc.  Dominoes is helpful in that respect as well.  Remember that it doesn't really matter if they can play a game properly as much as it matters that they are interacting and enjoying the activity.

Each person is different and one must learn what their loved one gets excited over.  Some enjoy sending cards and just signing their name.  Some enjoy folding laundry or washing dishes.  Cooking is great, everything from making a sandwich to making cupcakes, because cooking is a deeply rooted cultural activity that we associate with love, family, etc. and that also engages a person in following directions and sequencing steps.  Men love to be engaged in a ball game and if they can't drink alcohol, get them a special root beer to enjoy.  Activities with the elderly do not have to be dramatic and elaborately planned events, but more in the little daily joys.  As the caregiver, let yourself relax and just enjoy the moments you have.  A few extra minutes with your loved one sitting with you in the kitchen while you prepare a meal will be one of the little things you will think about when you need a pleasant memory, so allow yourself to breathe and enjoy those moments.

Some Tips to Help Caregivers Cope with Dementia

I apologize for my brief absence.  Some of you may not know that in addition to being a professional caregiver in elder care for +Comforcare Home Care , I am also a family caregiver in my personal life of 2 children with neurological illness.  So, my perspective comes from many different angles.  I am currently trying to get my son into a drug trial in Indiana for a drug that will hopefully shrink his neurological tumor that takes up about 1/3 of his body.  So life stays busy...as I am sure you can all relate!

Anyhow, when a loved one gets dementia, it can sometimes seem more taxing for the caregiver than for the patient.  There are some important basic "rules" that can help you to cope.  First and foremost is DO NOT ARGUE!  Arguing will only frustrate you both.  There is an old saying, "You can be right, or you can be happy."  When dealing with dementia patients, this rule holds very true.  An important skill to perfect is what professionals call "redirecting".  This would be used when your loved one becomes fixated about something and cannot seem to let the conversation end or the task stop, etc.  The brain gets put into a continuous looping process.  To try to counteract this issue, try to get them focused on something else.  For example, grandpa keeps asking why the kids aren't home from school yet.  He is convinced the children should be home. (Never mind that the "kids" are grown and have kids in college now, etc.)  He is pacing back and forth and wanting to make phone calls to see where the kids are.  Here is an example of redirection you could use from a fictional conversation:

Grandpa:  "Why aren't the kids off the bus?"

Wife: "I am sure they will be here soon.  Did you fix that squeak in the door?"

Grandpa: "What squeak?"

Wife:  "I will go get the WD40 so you can fix it."

Then get it and let him lube the door hinges.  He will feel useful and it breaks the loop effect.  Otherwise, you may find yourself in a never ending conversation like this:

Grandpa:  "Why aren't the kids off the bus?"

Wife: "Dear, our youngest child just turned 50!  Don't you remember?"

Grandpa: "Oh."

(3 to 5 minutes later)
Grandpa: "Why aren't the kids off the bus?"  And so forth...

Redirection involves completely changing the topic and engaging your loved one in an activity to break the brain loop.  Also, asking a dementia patient if they remember something is like giving them a pop quiz they will not be able to pass, and it will get them agitated.  Tell them who you are and tell them what is happening with each step.  If you can imagine what it is to be in their shoes for a moment, it makes it easier to not get so easily frustrated.  Imagine someone going into the bathroom with you and pulling your pants down and you had no clue what was going on!  Scary, right?

It is also important to let your loved one do things for themselves, even if you have to re-do them.  Let them fold laundry...does it matter that much if you have to refold shirts, etc.  Let them rinse dishes or help you cook.  Just engage them in what is going on around them so they feel a part of it
These are some of my thoughts for today.  Hope they help.

Some Tips for the Doctor's Office

One of the important aspects of lowering your stress as a family caregiver is to keep appointments straight and also to know ways to reduce the stress surrounding doctor's appointments.  If you utilize a cell phone, most phones now have an electronic planner/calendar.  It is important to learn to utilize those features so you do not overbook appointments, can keep track of phone numbers, and can set alarms to remind you of upcoming appointments or needed "to-dos".  I highly recommend investing in a good phone with these features.  Also, it is important to know that many of the smart phones now have a picture/word app that can help you to care for a loved one with aphasia, meaning they know what they want, but they cannot think of the word to go with the idea.  This is common among patients with brain injury (such as from stroke) or dementia.  If you are not comfortable with learning the new technology in this area, please get a good planner.  When I first began my personal journey as a family caregiver of a disabled child, I carried around what looked like a monstrous leather briefcase all the time.  Now I have a phone in my back pocket that holds just about all of the information I need.  I would also recommend ordering all radiological films on a cd from your hospital to keep with your personal files and if you are seeing a lot of specialists, get a digital copy of their record as well.  Nothing is worse than to have waited months to get in to see a specialist and when you get there the files were not sent and they are unable to give you the answers you seek because they will have to look over the files when they get them.  You do not want to waste such a wait with a basic check up and "We will see you in another 6 weeks after we have gotten your files".

Also, it is important when you have an appointment that you make it as stress free and as enjoyable as possible.  Always carry a bag (even if you are a male caregiver) that has a snack, drink, word puzzle, a deck of cards, and a good book.  We always know the "newbies" from the pros at the doctors' offices.  Once you have been a caregiver for some time, you stop caring what it looks like to others when you are in a waiting room...or heaven forbid a surgical waiting area.  Go ahead and take that nap, play cards, do a word puzzle, and if you are allowed to, eat those +M&Ms for crying out loud.  If you are not able to eat or drink, you are going to want something as soon as the door hits you on your way out.  Also, for heaven's sake, wear comfortable shoes and clothes!  No one cares if you are dressed to the nines for the doctor.

If it is possible, plan a pleasant stop after the doctor appointment so you have something to look forward to, even if it is just getting an ice cream at +Dairy Queen or stopping by the garden section at +The Home Depot  somewhere to look at the plants.  Do something that is pleasant so you do not get eaten up with anger and resentment that the only thing you ever do is go to the doctor.  It is very important to do that for yourself and your loved one.

Caregiver Stress and Suicide Prevention

Most people are unaware that the largest suicide demographic is now men over the age of 70 and a large number of them are caregivers to an aging spouse.  The suicide rate of men 70 and over is nearly 3 times the numbers of teen suicides.  It is important as a family caregiver that you reach out for support and not feel that you must do all things on your own.  Many insurance companies and also local social agencies offer case management services and can assist in getting a loved one all of the appointments and needed services.  These people are actually paid to sit on hold on the phone and fight with insurance companies over "uncovered" medical needs.  They also have access to many resources, such as caregiver support groups and volunteer service organizations.  If you are a family member of one of the caregivers over 70, as mentioned above, please know that when they actually do reach out for help, they truly need it.  Be actively involved as a support system to them.  Help them find resources so they are not overwhelmed.  Be alert to signs of depression, such as avoiding social events, avoiding necessary chores, neglecting personal hygiene, and oversleeping (or not sleeping enough).  Weight loss or gain is also a red flag.  Be aware if your elderly caregiver begins to give away important items, as though actively willing things before death.  Check in with them frequently, even if it is only by phone.  A daily call to say "hi" and see how someone is doing never killed anyone, but isolation certainly does. 

Elder Care and Caregiver Stress

According to the 2010 census in the United States, we now have over half of the United States population being age 50 and over.  With an aging national population, we are confronted with many unprecedented social issues.  One of the most concerning phenomenons of our time is what sociologists refer to as "the sandwiched generation."  These are the working class individuals that are mid 40s to mid 50s and finding themselves supporting children in school or college and also taking care of their aging parents, while trying to carve out some sort of retirement for themselves.  As this generation tries to navigate the complex maze of elder care, it is difficult to even know where to begin.  However, the upside to this boom in an aging population is that people are no longer forced into nursing care being their only option to consider.  Personal care agencies, such as the company I work for (+Comforcare), home healthcare companies such as +Amedysis, personal care homes, assisted living, and independent living are all viable options that were not available in the past.  First and foremost, those individuals needing elder care for their parents need to have their parents sign medical power of attorney to someone trusted, general power of attorney if the parents are having difficulty managing their personal affairs, living will, last will and testament, and if the parent chooses, a "do not resuscitate" (DNR) order.  All of these legal documents can be easily put into place by utilizing online legal sources or even accessing some of these forms available for purchase at local office supply stores such as +Office Depot, without having the costly expenses of hiring an attorney.