I apologize for my brief absence. Some of you may not know that in addition to being a professional caregiver in elder care for +Comforcare Home Care , I am also a family caregiver in my personal life of 2 children with neurological illness. So, my perspective comes from many different angles. I am currently trying to get my son into a drug trial in Indiana for a drug that will hopefully shrink his neurological tumor that takes up about 1/3 of his body. So life stays busy...as I am sure you can all relate!
Anyhow, when a loved one gets dementia, it can sometimes seem more taxing for the caregiver than for the patient. There are some important basic "rules" that can help you to cope. First and foremost is DO NOT ARGUE! Arguing will only frustrate you both. There is an old saying, "You can be right, or you can be happy." When dealing with dementia patients, this rule holds very true. An important skill to perfect is what professionals call "redirecting". This would be used when your loved one becomes fixated about something and cannot seem to let the conversation end or the task stop, etc. The brain gets put into a continuous looping process. To try to counteract this issue, try to get them focused on something else. For example, grandpa keeps asking why the kids aren't home from school yet. He is convinced the children should be home. (Never mind that the "kids" are grown and have kids in college now, etc.) He is pacing back and forth and wanting to make phone calls to see where the kids are. Here is an example of redirection you could use from a fictional conversation:
Grandpa: "Why aren't the kids off the bus?"
Wife: "I am sure they will be here soon. Did you fix that squeak in the door?"
Grandpa: "What squeak?"
Wife: "I will go get the WD40 so you can fix it."
Then get it and let him lube the door hinges. He will feel useful and it breaks the loop effect. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a never ending conversation like this:
Grandpa: "Why aren't the kids off the bus?"
Wife: "Dear, our youngest child just turned 50! Don't you remember?"
Grandpa: "Oh."
(3 to 5 minutes later)
Grandpa: "Why aren't the kids off the bus?" And so forth...
Redirection involves completely changing the topic and engaging your loved one in an activity to break the brain loop. Also, asking a dementia patient if they remember something is like giving them a pop quiz they will not be able to pass, and it will get them agitated. Tell them who you are and tell them what is happening with each step. If you can imagine what it is to be in their shoes for a moment, it makes it easier to not get so easily frustrated. Imagine someone going into the bathroom with you and pulling your pants down and you had no clue what was going on! Scary, right?
It is also important to let your loved one do things for themselves, even if you have to re-do them. Let them fold laundry...does it matter that much if you have to refold shirts, etc. Let them rinse dishes or help you cook. Just engage them in what is going on around them so they feel a part of it
These are some of my thoughts for today. Hope they help.
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